Depression Dementia Dad

[Shaz51]

Sorry about your Dad choking - that would be scary @Former-Member, sending you hugs

sitting with you xxx

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Shaz51, @Owlunar,
@Faith-and-Hope, thats a good link, basically, if i find my dad dead - i call an ambulance / 000 There's nothing formal for resus so that's an issue. But he always said "if i go don't bring me back" ever since he was in mid 40s.

Did i tell yas i have 3hrs 'in home respite' once a week. 3hrs goes fast but its lovely being out knowing he's not alone.

With mother's day, i sent my siblings an invitation to OPEN HOUSE - not one reply yet but at least i tried.

THE CAT, still haven't had the heart to take the cat back to the pound. Tonight i heard him making that s weird meowing on the front veranda so thought i better check. He had cought himself a Rat & wanted to brinf it inside (no way putty tat). I told him how clever he was and he put it down at my feet (on the other side of the door of cause - or i'd be hanging off the rafters), placed it on the mat, sat back and looked up talking to me or something, it was so weird. Tbe rat was in one piece, probably playing possum i suspect, but i left him to it, shut the door & came to bed. How could i send him back now?

[Faith-and-Hope]

The cat was gifting his rat to you @Former-Member ..... his best peace offering.

Wait and see if his behaviour has changed now.  If he is still clawing etc, then you can use a spray bottle of water to spray him lightly in the face every time he does it.   Its a relationship, and it has to be workable for him to be able to stay.  The rat is not enough if he continues to cause you distress.

Youhave done your bit for the sibs for Mother’s Day @Former-Member .... so if they come, they come ..... plan the day around what you and your Dad would enjoy .....  that is my advice anyhow .....

💜💐

[Owlunar]

Hi @Former-Member

Aw -

The cat came back

The very next day

He was sitting on the porch

And he wouldn't go away

The cat came back

Cause he wouldn't be alone

He wanted to stay

In his home sweet home

No - I didn't write that - I Just remembered it. I think seeing as he brought you a rat and not just an iddy biddy mouse the universe is saying something - he's your cat

Yes,

Can you get your Dad to sign a DNR? cause he has already expressed his wishes. It takes the choice away from you when the time is in its fullness and it will be hard enough. Both my parents had one and they went in their different ways when the time was right and we didn't have to decide for them.

It's tough stuff Lapses - you are physically on your own but we are here - I am here and we have so much shared stuff and

You have done your best for your sibs - let them be - you are worth a million times the whole bunch

And we are your brothers and sisters

Dec

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope, kinda cute in how s way poor cat. Dad's nurse let him in this mornings, he jumped up on the table and reeeeeealy tried hard to jump up on me for a cuddle. 😨 don't they know i'm allergic? 😷 I feel sorry for him he doesnt get any petting / affection here. Appreciate your input F&H
I'll post what i sent to my bros & sister.

Suggested they come light a candle for her.  

I shed my first tears for mum today,  finally,  just a little 

____

Something else happened today,  my girls best friend got engaged,  i saw it on fb.  Beautiful photos.  I wish mt girl was here to see it.  I wish she had the chance to fall in love and be loved 😢  I wish life wasn't so sad ❤😳

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hugs n hugs @Former-Member .....

Hearing you Hon .....

[Former-Member]

Oh @Owlunar, you're terrific! Was typing at the same time above. Appreciate what you said. I do feel shunned by kin, don't know why, dad is so much better off. And hope they hear it all over the media atm with this new budget, that people are so much better off in their own homes, the Gov thinks so its putting billions into helping the aged do it. Anyway, i know i'm doinf the right thing before God. I don't think dad has much time left anyway, honestly, what are they on about.

I cant really get dad to sign something legally binding, the Gerentologist says he has no capacity for legals now. You know, today his Bank Statement & Phone bill came on the mail. He likes toHopen hiseown mail. He then insisted we go pay them immediately. I tried to explain one was a bank statement, even pointed out the balance has grown more than $1,000 since I've been here. But when we got to the post office he still handed the girl both letters to postpay. She said "this one's not a bill" and handed it back to him, he said "how do you know its not? " 😒 Then he gives her x2 $50 notes to pay the $48 ph bill 😒

Dad needs to have some money in his wallet, there wasn't a cent in it when i arrived. He kept looking in it so i put 25 of my own money in then. Now, since mum gave me access to his account, now i make sure he has the cash to do these things he wants to do, especially since mum no longer does it. She just took ocer,  actually mocked him 😞  I'm overjoyed when he says he wants to go pay his bills himself. Even though he clearly hasn't got full comprehension of it all anymore, it give him a sense of dignity. Today he even wanted to buy the coffee. His memory for working with cash is partly still there but he's forgotten how to use keycards. Or i take him to the atm. Last time $400 lasted him x6 weeks - thats even buying petrol & medicines... And so far none has gone missing (a worry with two drug broke bros coming & going), though i did find $10 & coins in the wash one day lol. Oh sorry, this is probably boring you. Good Night. Hugzz ❤❤❤

[Owlunar]

Hi again @Former-Member - let's see how big this flower is

That's lovely - I think it's a camelia - 

It's important for your Dad to stay in his own home for as long as he wants to - he has a sense of dignity when he is treated with love and not just another person to be put in bed at 6.30 pm to give the staff an easier evening

Personally the thought of going into supported care gives me the screaming willies - I am not at all sure about aged care - I didn't hear how much the Government is pouring into it but billions - I wonder how it will help me - I still have a long time to wait before I need to worry about it

But giving you Dad his cash to pay or think is in control over this part of his life is treating him with respect  and seeing as my sister pushed me out of having anything to do with my parents at the end of their lives I feel glad to hear about what you are doing with your dad - a bit vicarious perhaps because you are doing what I wished I could have had part of 

And it is not boring - I love hearing about it - it is family stuff - sharing is great - please tell me anything and everything because I want to know

I gotta smile though - your Dad wanted to pay his bank statement - that is gently sweet and loving - I know it might not seem like it but it is wonderful - he has his dignity - he wants to pay he way - that is so great

Okay - about your Dad when the time comes - I think you can take out a POA and be in charge of any DNA when the times comes because your sibs will all want to have a say and better if you have the right of way - I think you can talk to his Gerentologist about it and see if that is possible because when it's time to go who needs to play God keeping someone alive when there time has come. You will be doing the right thing before God because only he knows the hour and the day - 

I'm with you sis and so glad you came on line tonight - I am feeling better this evening - I have attended to a few things - I was feeling downright mouldy earlier - there are some days I could gladly forget about but I think I will remember this one

Sending hugs

Dec

[Former-Member]

Oh no, i'm blubbering like a baby tonight, hoping its good tears re able to get a lot off my chest here

so much rolling round on the inside

and this emotional abuse from my family hurts when i'm so lonely and so giving... 😭

Not sure, maybe Mother's Day too, not just cause its my first without a mum, but also because... 😞😩 i don't have my girl and my son can't come to see me now as he wanted to 😭

I donno, at least i don't wanna hurt myself, well,  actually, that impulse whooshes up when i think of my girl, and somehow still feel its all my fault...  and...  i deserve to die because of it.  I can't  stop that wave boling me over more than i care to remember, but then somehow my brain moves on cause my body goes numb / frozen or i switch... Its complicated... 

I donno how i'm still here

thanks guys ❤

[Owlunar]

Aw Lapses - I know 

Your sibs are totally useless and that was a beautiful idea and they trashed the card but not the idea - the idea is yours and it will keep forever

They are not worth it - they are like the swine you need not cast your pearls before - your generous heart is something I value so much

I was crying earlier - not because of Mother's Day - I do have my daughter and she is my Own Heart - I know what it's like to lose a son but a daughter - that has to be so hard - and you will be with your Dad and how long will he last? Poor old guy - you are doing a wonderful thing caring for him at the tag-end of his life - bless you - bless you

But the feelings whoosh up - actually I feel as if I am standing in surf and the rip could pull me out - I was dumped when surfing once - that would be more like the whoosh feeling

You will always miss your girl - and she was taken so young too - you have so many years to grieve - but it does get easier I can promise you that

I know - I understand - there are dark days and wet nights and times of being alone and I know you are a gentle-hearted person - if we had met under different circumstances - well - it would have been different - we open our hearts to each other - you are a wonderful person truly

But yes - tonight you are feeling the emotional abuse of your useless sibs and the loss of your precious girl and you've got the cat - 

I've got one of those too - she's getting on in years and can be a bit stinky at times - I know you are allergic - wouldn't that be the ironic end

Yes - you are still here and I am so grateful for that

Dec