SANE Online Forums

Part 2
Day 3
Today you wouldn't recognise me. You wouldn't be able to tell that since Thursday I have been struggling so much and that yesterday was the scariest thing I have EVER experienced.
Today just woke up feeling ok. Went to a group in the morning. @Former-Member - had an AHA moment. I realized something that I think is important. Since my workplace incident and this MI - I have been trying not to 'feel' & that when feelings come up I divert, or self medicate - to not feel. Yes I already knew this. But it just dawned on me that I think I have been trying not to feel or show a lot of my emotions since childhood. To avoid my dads anger. To not deal with his blubbering in a corner mental breakdowns. I think I learnt, that most of the times, it was safer not to feel.
Such a 'hit mr on the head' moment that after group - I went to my room and expanded on this new awareness.
I've decided tomorrow I will email what I have written about this to my psychologist - because I think it is something that I need to explore in depth. And I don't want to forget about it when I go back home. So yay.
The rest of my day was good.
I'd now like to say that I can understand in part, what some of you are going through day in day out - with regards to SI & plans.
I always knew it must be hard and I always tried to empsthise. But my short period (fingers crossed the good days stay) of fearing that everything was a potential risk for suicide and not being able to rationzlise at all. I get it now. Even though my experience was not the same as yours and not as long. I'm sorry some of you suffer this. I'm sorry if you are still stuck in that cycle. And I'm sorry I never fully understood what you were truly going through. ♥♥
Now to the ants. I'm in a shared room for 2 - but there's only me at the moment. No ants in this bed - so the cleaner made my bed - and moved my drswers to this side of the room. I only had to move my clothes on the shelves. The cleaning staff have now been instructed to use NO chemicals in my room at all.
At dinner got hit by perfume - so my sensitivities went sky high. Everyone then smelt. I could smell their sosp and shampoo etc, that hasn't been a problem any othed day. So swollen sore throat. Intense pain. Neurological defecit immediately. Lose of words. Ability to think. Took 3 hours to get back to normal - but that's with isolating myselfa bit from others. SSeriously they smell like they have bathed in a vat of perfume
But I'll be going to sleep soon. Another new day tomorrow. And hopefully no longer hypersensitiv.
Sweet dreams all.