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Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7   Yes, I made a commitment to mum - she needs help and as much as I have tried to help my son and his partner I can only help those that will accept it.

 

And I will be making decisions at my own pace and when it suits me.  My husband has always expected me to just suck it up and move on, but no more.  Maybe now he’s on his own having to look after himself he might realise just what he’s thrown away. 

Re: Need a little help tonight

You are right @Razzle You can only help those that want or accept your help. Your son needs to stand on his own feet here - he may not be making the right decisions but they are his decisions to live with. I have no doubt you will be there for him if he asks for help but until (if) that time comes - it is his life and he has to deal with his own actions and decisions.

 

Your husband may come to realise what life is like without you in it but you do need to do what is best for you. Again - he has made his bed and now has to live with the consequences. That is not your responsibility to work through - it is his. Do what you need to do for yourself right now because you have been through a lot and that takes time to both process and deal with. Heart

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Zoe7   I’m so peeved off tonight.  When everything went south last week, I shot a message to my councillor.  I was pretty upset as you know.  My husband had also tried to ring him but couldn’t get him, and neither of us had heard back from him.

 

Yesterday my husband came in to town and we did our BAS as it’s due today.  Just as we started, his phone rang and it was the councillor.   My husband went outside and spoke in private for around 30-40 minutes.

 

When he came back in he said the councillor would call me today as he wouldn’t have time the rest of yesteeday.

 

I was feeling pretty hurt that he hadn’t so much as acknowledged my message, let alone left me hanging for another entire day.

 

I have an appointment with him tomorrow, but my husband asked if he could use it instead if I didn’t want to go, I said I still wanted to use it.  About 5pm tonight I got a message from the councillor to say he’d run out of time and wasn’t going to call today, that could it wait until tomorrow.

 

I am so frustrated !!  He was able to make time for my husband, but he can’t make one measly  little call to me,  I didn’t even respond to his message.  I feel like all I’m worth to this councillor is the $$ I put in his hand at the start of each session.  He’s the one that keeps saying to contact him anytime if something happens.  I don’t want to feel like a nag so I rarely contact him, and when I do he practically ignores me anyway.

 

I feel like ditching him completely, clearly I’m not worth his trouble.  I think I might text my husband and tell him he can have the appointment - and all the other appointments I’d already made.

 

 

Re: Need a little help tonight

That is not acceptable @Razzle - especially as he rang your husband first. It may be time to find someone else that you can see just for you - someone that doesn't have that relationship (and I use that term loosely here) with both of you. It would give you a fresh start, and maybe some new persepectives, with someone else. 

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7   I decided not to go.  He’s just another person on a long list of people I thought I could trust but have let me down instead.  I feel like after such a $hitty week he has abandoned me as well - says a lot about me when even the people you pay to keep your trust still toss you aside.

 

I texted husband last night and told him he could have the appointment - and every other appointment I’d already made.  

 

Had the worst nights sleep last night that I’ve had in a while.  I woke up every couple of hours thinking about the way the people I thought cared about me have treated me, and would cry myself back to sleep just to wake up again and do it all over - all night.  I’m feeling so battered and hurt today.  Being brushed off by my councillor when he found time for my husband has really hurt me, I wished I’d never opened up to him about anything ever.

 

I picked up my phone this morning and husband had sent a text saying how sorry he was, how much he missed me, how sorry he was that he’d hurt me  again.  Then he went into how hurt and angry he is that I’m blaming him for everything and how I’d turfed him out of our bed.  I responded that angry is a better emotion than I’m feeling - that  I’m just f&@$ing disappointed.

Re: Need a little help tonight

Don't you just love it when in one breath someone apologises and then in the very next breath they try to turn it al back on you ...NOT!!  He clearly does not understand the impact of his actions on you and even worse is trying to make you feel sorry for him instead @Razzle Feeling really frustrated for you Hon Smiley Frustrated

 

I think your decision not to see the counsellor was a good one for you - you have lost trust in him and once that is gone it is hard to get back. Again I suggest you seek out someone new - it will take time to build that rapport and trust with someone else but it will be totally separate from your husband as well and that seems like something you really need in all this. You need someone that will be on your side and help you through all this and it is pretty obvious that this present counsellor is not doing that for you.

 

Many hugs and much love for you today Hon Heart

Re: Need a little help tonight

@Zoe7   Yes, all my husbands apologies are like that - sorry, sorry, sorry, BUT ....  

 

My husband used the session this morning, and then about the time he finished I got a call from the councillor - which I didn’t answer.  Then I got a text straight away saying he had time to talk this morning, or he could call after 2pm today - seems he has all the time in the world now.  He can go jump, bit late now.

 

I’m not bothering with another councillor, I’m not going through all that again.  It was so hard to tell him everything, I’m not going through all that with someone else.  

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hearing you Hon but also saying give it some time. Presently you are really angry and hurt by what has happened with both your husband and the counsellor. Those things take time to process and deal with. You also have a lot going on with caring for your Mum and any time for yourself is consumed by what is happening with everyone else. I know it probably feels like you are in the deep end unable to swim right now - and with no life line being thrown your way. It would be nice if someone could drain the pool for you and give you some respite from all of this. I fully understand your reluctance to take your counsellor's calls or reply to texts - he has let you down Hon - and calling your husband and not you first proves that. I would be feeling exactly the same but you matter and should have been treated better. Hugs Hon Heart

Re: Need a little help tonight

Thinking of you @Razzle Hope there is a little light in your day Hon. Hugs Heart

Re: Need a little help tonight

Hi @Zoe7   It’s a bit of a struggle today.  Mums a bit moody, I know it’s the

dementia but it’s hard not to take it personally sometimes.

 

My husband wanted to meet up yesterday after he saw the councillor, we met late in the afternoon.  Not much is being resolved.  He managed to add something else I do wrong.  He’s always told me right from when the kids were young that I’m “not a soft place to fall”.  My husband was always the kids friend, always the good guy,  always avoided conflict so I was left to do all the discipline.  So he took great

pleasure in informing me yesterday that when my son had texted me last week I had jumped straight into asking him to protect himself so that he could keep contact with his child.  I’d also said that if he and his partner had any hope they

had to get out of that house and out from under the MIL’s rule.  I also stated that if his partner gave a $hit about him at all she’d make an effort to get out of that house and work on their relationship instead of turfing him out when things go bad.  What I DIDN’T do was ask how he was, if he was ok, what I could do.  So yep, I’m a rubbish mother - something he’s known all along.  

 

I went for a bit of a walk this morning, mum had snapped my head off over something trivial, and after yesterday I just wanted to be on my own, so I walked a couple of quiet streets, had a cry then came back here again.  

 

I just feel numb today.  I miss my home, not that I can go back there again.  And even though I grew up here it doesn’t feel like home either.   I don’t have a life anymore and I feel like everyone’s just ditched me.

 

My son is home on the farm at the moment, he called in for a couple of hours the day after he got home to see mum.  Of course I’m not allowed to know any of his business so we didn’t talk much.  He rang later that night asking if I could put money into his partner’s account to make their finances look better when they see the real estate about a rental.  I told him to ask his dad, I don’t do internet banking so wasn’t of much use to him.  Now I’m getting all gushy nice messages from his partner, which I’ve pretty much ignored.  Money talks I guess, and that’s where my value lies with her.

 

I think I’ll go for another walk later and get some groceries.  Mums sleeping on and off so she’s happy to stay where she is.

 

Hope you’re having a nice day and get to do something for yourself this weekend.  Do people even look forward to the weekends anymore?   All the days seem to be all the same now, maybe that’s just me.

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