SANE Online Forums

Saving Lives. Crisis Support. Suicide Prevention.

Forums Home
Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Our stories

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

So much happening for you Hon and so much to deal with. @Former-Member my friend

Mr shaz is the same , wants me to be in there with him as he forgets everything xxx

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thanks @Appleblossom

Nice to “see” you too. 🌺🌸🌷

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

hello and hugs @Former-Member Heart

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member I read your post some hours ago, and as so often, I left wishing there was something I could say that was helpful. I don't have words of wisdom, but something did stay with me, so, I thought I would respond as best I can to that.

Your friend....... @Former-Member sometimes we give when running on empty in different ways. It can be RAW, and few will want to hang around, so why not give this friend that opportunity????? Just being can be more than enough. I hope this makes some sort of sense. I personally have had to learn to BE, with someone. I think I'm wasting there time, and others would be more worthy. I should be this that and the other. But that's MY expectations not hers.

As always, lots of these. 💕💜💕💜💕💜🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member 💙

Nice to see you @Maggie 💚

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Nice to see you too @outlander 💜💕💜

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Dear @Former-Member,

what a brave post.  The time before anniversaries can be bad I agree.  You take such loving care of your husband, I really admire that. I understand your feelings about being included in the psych appointment, but it shows his trust in you, in spite of everything.

there is nothing wrong in having a couple of drinks, so long as you don’t let it get out of hand, but if it makes you feel worse  then consider not bothering.  I understand the desire for oblivion.  I have had very self destructive thoughts lately and can’t get my mind off them.

getting to your Pilates and volunteering are good achievements and will help keep you grounded in the world.  I am glad your friend is being understanding, but you have so much on your plate at the moment.

Please take care of yourself and don’t be too hard on yourself either.  

You are an inspiration to me.

peri

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member just thought I’d pop on here to say hi and hope you’re ok. 

Thinking of you my friend ❤️ 

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Thank you all - @Zoe7 @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Maggie @outlander @BlueBay @Peri @Starta @Sam3 and anyone else passing through and offering support via the support button. You are all very much appreciated - your visits, your advice, your encouragement, your understanding, your comments, your thoughts ... all of it. When we are feeling particularly low and struggling to get through each day, it all makes a difference for the good. Its comforting knowing we are not alone in our struggles.

As its almost 2 weeks since my last update, I thought it was time for another. My apologies for not responding to all your lovely messages before now.

Hubby saw his neurologist just over a week ago, and has been given additional new meds. As the neuro explained ... with Parkinson's, they never take meds away ... they just keep adding more to try to offset the symptoms of the disease as it progresses over time. The aim is not so much to improve things, but more to delay further deterioration. At least that's the way I see it. I really do not think that the medications will improve things much more than they have now. From discussions with the neuro, it's all about holding the condition in its current state for as long as possible. Then adding to the existing medications when things get worse and meds become less effective. Meanwhile he needs to continue to see his psychiatrist regularly to try to keep his deep depression and anxiety at bay. And to do as much physical exercise as he is capable of doing. This should help keep the disease stable for as long as possible.

We had family visiting over the weekend, they left yesterday. Hubby spent a lot of time with his son especially. And I spent a lot of time with my step-grandkids. It was lovely, but exhausting. I know hubby got a real thrill out of being able to spend time with his son and grandkids, after not having seen them for 2 years.

Last night when I saw him off to bed, he was really sweet and kind to me. He seemed happy for the first time in months. He told me how much he appreciated me doing everything to enable this visit to happen. That felt good, and made all the effort worthwhile. His son also spoke to me, and told me he knows how hard it must be caring for his dad while he's been so sick. I actually doubt that he knows how hard it is, but that's okay. He said I'm doing a fantastic job under extremely difficult circumstances ... and he thanked me. Sometimes I really do feel that I'm doing all this entirely on my own. All his family live either interstate, or 6 hrs drive away and with young families keeping them at home. So its impractical or impossible for them to share the burdens of hospitalisations, treatment decision making, etc. Though I have always kept them in the loop. Anyway, I really appreciated him telling me that.

I saw my psychologist last Thursday. None too soon really ... I needed to talk, I needed to get the feelings and emotions out from deep inside me. There are feelings, resentments and emotions which seem as though they are poisoning me from the inside out. So often these days, I feel like merely a shell of a person, that there just isn't anything of me left in there. The living dead! I really am just going through the motions of living. Getting through each day as it comes, but never really getting anywhere, not really living. Does any of that make sense to anyone?

My psych and I spoke about a number of things which have been bothering me lately. This includes my current self-destructive urges, my lack of sleep, nightmares returning, feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. We spoke about a number of recent upsetting triggers which have resulted in a spike in PTSD symptoms. We spoke about the fact that it is anniversary time coming up next month. We spoke about how hubby's situation is such a difficult thing for me to deal with. The fact he is losing control of his own mind and body as well as things happening around him. For someone with a very controlling personality, it's a most difficult transition for him. It's hard for me too because I am needing to make all the everyday decisions, which he now relies up me to make. He has always been the decision maker, with me having little or no say in anything. My psych asked me to be very aware that he could become increasingly violent and lash out, as his condition continues to deteriorate. She asked me to think hard about my own safety and wellbeing and to know when out-of-home care may be more appropriate and safer for both of us. This does not apply yet, but it is something I know I will need to consider at some point.

We also spoke about my GP appointment for a Pap smear, which is tomorrow. She said it's likely I'll experience a typical flight / fight / freeze response. And that it's an understandable reaction for any procedure such as this, when combined with a history of rape. We went through my coping methods to try to make things as trauma free as possible. One thing she said was to just accept and go with the likely physical responses our body gives under times of triggering. It is warning us of possible danger, and as such, should be respected. We need to figuratively thank our physical body for providing warning of possible danger, whether that be real (as before) or only perceived (now). She suggested I take the sedative my regular GP told me I could use. It should help take the edge off the senses and reduce recovery time from triggering afterwards. The last thing my psych said to me last Thursday, was to please email her and let her know how it all goes tomorrow. My next appointment with her is in a month's time, so she asked me to email her any time I felt like I needed a bit of extra support. Also that she would ensure I got an appointment earlier if I felt I needed to. She is very caring and thoughtful, and I think just knowing I can see her if I need to, is enough to keep me level headed enough to get by on my own.

Oh .. nearly forgot ... she asked me how I was going with the drinking. She knows I tend to hit the bottle a bit when things get tough, and she's aware things have been tough lately. I told her that yes I was drinking, but that I thought I had it under control for now. She asked me to 'keep a lid' on it as February progresses. I see her a day before anniversary date. I am not sure if that was by her design, or by coincidence?

Last night I tried one of the sedative tablets prior to bed. Some of you suggested I do that, and it sounded good advice to me. I needed to know how it would affect me, whether I could drive etc. It made me feel a little woozy and light headed, but not too bad. So I should be okay to drive tomorrow if I take it just prior to leaving for my apt. I had hoped it may help with sleep last night, but unfortunately that didn't happen.

So now that all the preparation and aftermath of our visitors is over, I have had way too much time to think and to worry. I think this family visit was well timed. With everything needing to be done from Friday through to yesterday, it has kept me busy and my mind otherwise occupied. My apt is 9.30am tomorrow. My psych said not to be afraid to mention to the GP that it's a difficult procedure for me, without needing to go into the reasons why. Thankfully it will soon be over and done with, and one less thing to keep we awake at night. Then I just have February to get through. I've been having nightmares again, perhaps triggered by the major trigger I had a few weeks ago, or possibly this business with the pap smear, or maybe just because Feb is so close.

Whatever the reason for the recent increased nightmares, my psych has suggested I would likely benefit by going back on the medication I occasionally use for PTSD-related nightmares and sleep disturbances. I tend to use it after triggers cause a spike in PTSD nightmares, and as anniversaries approach. I do find it helpful, but it also causes my already low blood pressure to drop even lower. This is the reason I tend to only use it when things are really bad, and it's something I have to weigh up regarding the pro's and con's. I can't afford to be fainting or running into walls due to dizziness and light headedness. I think I'll get this GP apt tomorrow out of the way and see if things settle afterwards.

This has turned into a very long update. My apologies for that. I realise most of you will not have read it all, but that's okay too. Sometimes I just need to talk, to unload it all. But thank you to those of you who endured the full tedious screed.

With immense gratitude and kindness to, and for, you all.

Sherry 🤗💜💕🌸

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Not only read but completely understand how hard you have had it and with the pap smear and anniversary coming up it certainly continues for a bit longer yet. Just get through tomorrow for now Hon - that is a big one for you - I know how tough this is bith on you mentally and physically so pleased you have the meds to take to help you out tomorrrow. 

I think you are doing a wise thing by considering the meds again over this upcoming period - if they help and are only short term then the low blood pressure can be managed.

It was lively of you hubby's son to recognise and acknowledge all that you are doing for your hubby. Whilst you don't expect those compliments it is lovely that he thanked you. We all know here how much you do for him and how much you put up with also - so for someone close to you to also see and acknowledge that is fantastic.

It is also wonderful that hubby said how much he appreciated everything you have done to make the family visit happen - take those little moments and remember them Hon - they are especially good when they come unexpectedly.

I hope tomorrow is not too traumatic for you but we will be here for you afterwards. I won't be on until the afternoon as I have my big day with DBT and appointments but I will be thinking of you in the morning and how you are going afterwards. Try to have something nice organised for yourself - that is what I did - I had my favourite biscuits and some Toby snuggles - and of course the wonderful people on here - take advantage of everything at your disposal to help you through tomorrow and if that includes emailing your psych then do that too - she sounds like a very caring person and a great fit for you and that is wonderful to have as a support.

Hugs and hugs and hugs Hon Heart

Illustration of people sitting and standing

New here?

Chat with other people who 'Get it'

with health professionals in the background to make sure everything is safe and supportive.

Register

Have an account?
Login

For urgent assistance