Lived Experience Forum

[Dadcaringalone]

@MorningSilence

I hear you Morning Silence.

This too shall pass.

Every cloud has a silver lining and I can see the Sun shining through the rain clouds here.

I pushed myself very hard last night to wash all the dishes, clean up the kitchen, throw out the rubbish and recycling, this morning I will see those things done and take a small bit of pleasure from that.

Please don’t blame yourself for that anger because I can see the beauty in you by you explaining how you felt, I also had an anger issue on Sunday night with my son, but he’s forgotten that one now and shit happens.

A very wise monk guru of mine told me not to get lost in your thoughts because it’s a never-ending story, I try my best to follow his advice.

Take pleasure in the small things, like taking out the rubbish, I send you very positive vibes for a great day and keep truck’n xxx

[MorningSilence]

@Dadcaringalone I really needed to hear that. This is the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. The omg there has been something wrong all along moment. The acceptance that I can not overcome this without the aid of medicine. My perspective on life was so far off. One giant high then long periods of nonexistent. I hurt many people who loved me. I’m not great in relationships. I make them leave me. I always thought they will anyway. I have gone against my own moral compass. Jeckyll and Hyde. I can say that now. I needed to remember to breathe. You’re encouraging words meant a lot. 🙏🏻🌺

[Dadcaringalone]

@MorningSilence Its not your fault! It’s this shitty illness, if you were fine you wouldn’t be hurting people. I can see the beauty of my son and you thru this illness. You sound like you are on the road to recovery because you have realised some important lessons it’s difficult for many people to realise. I feel like as a consequence the future is bright for you! Self realization is very hard for many. Just don’t get too addicted to Ms Jeckyll or Hyde, try to walk the middle road and you’re well on the road to recovery. It’s difficult with all this crappy rain we have been getting but it never rains for ever and those dogs 🐕 of yours will help. Keep truck’n and remember you always have friends here. Xxx

[MorningSilence]

@Dadcaringalone I took your advice to heart today. I realized that gray skies and damp coldness has played with me. I also know that this medicine is not fully regulated in my system yet. 

Intellectually, I know all of this.

Emotionally, I’ve been swept away. 

I went in my garage today and opened the door, all the way. It was raining and the concrete was really cold. I had goosebumps. But I thought ,if I can quiet my mind enough to not to feel the wind, then I can quiet it to be try today. My nose was running but after awhile I was warm. I got dressed, put makeup on(shock), made a pot roast, and cleaned the kitchen. (I wanted to  watch the new Doctor Who, but I’ve lost my interest for TV.🖖🏻) So my best friend came over and brought me a shirt that says Keep Trekkin. I’m a sci-fi nut. I thought of what you said, and with the help of a great EDM playlist, I’m getting through this. It’s hard to believe you’re fighting for you, against something you can’t see but in the rear view mirror. And the road ahead is a life long journey. I have read so much that y’all have posted and it really has helped. I don’t feel like everyone has to tip toe around me here. Everyone treats me as though I will break if they have a real conversation with me. I want them to understand how I feel, but they don’t really understand it. Ya know. “When are you going to get back to normal? Or you shouldn’t do anything to mentally stressful.” 

I wish I would have found this when I was 15. Better late than never. 

🦋✌🏻🌺

[Dadcaringalone]

@MorningSilence

That’s awesome, good on you! The big question is how do you feel now? I feel much better today after my hard work yesterday and it helped me cope with some of dramas I had to face today.

I understand exactly what you mean about the medication intellectually and emotionally and especially because its a mood disorder its very difficult to get the right chemical balance. It takes time. I think it’s great you got in there for a spring clean and your friend is a great friend to get your keep trekkin shirt! It reminds me of Star Trek Discovery on Netflix which my son got me into recently which is really addictive. I find that I just live one day at a time at the moment. It’s a much easier way to live. I also do my own type of mindfulness meditation being aware and observing my bodily sensations. It takes me away from thinking too much about things and the future. I recon it’s awesome that you have been active today. It looks like it’s going to rain where I am tomorrow so its great you were active today. I wish you well and hope you have a great evening. Keep trekkin and remember there are always friends here.

[Georgie1]

Doing better having seen my family (parents, sibblings, neices and nephews who tend to lift my spirits. We had a family holiday. I was anxious about how it would go and there were symptoms of the illness but I was able to overcome. Now the challenge is to remain stable. Steady goes. I've had rest since seeing everyone it was taxing and I was exhausted. I don't know how parents can continually give out to there kids. The holiday was a good reality check as to what family life is like. Not all glory which can be easy to think. And now I'm getting back into the swing of things. Tempted to go to bed and need to be a bit busier at this stage. Feeling confident and looking forward to the next few weeks 🙂 

[eth]

Hi everyone  It's so good to see this thread growing and people having some really supportive dialogue.  I've been away this week and then busy with house guests and appointments so this is the first chance I've had to come online.

@Elin  you're definitely in the right place if you want to talk about bipolar in any way at all.

@Dadcaringalone @MorningSilence  I love your interaction and can see it's helping both of you at a difficult time.

I have to catch up on posts since I left last Monday morning, but am sending warm wishes to all who join in here, and welcome to people I haven't met before.  Great to see us keeping each other going, persevering through the rollercoaster that is bipolar.

I have bipolar 1 and complex PTSD.  I'm 55 and was diagnosed bipolar at 46 after many years of only seeing doctors when I was depressed and flying high between downs - lots of consequences after many typical bipolar behaviours and including long manias, psychosis at times, and a few hospitalizations.   Many years of being triggered into mania by prescribed anti-depressants too.  It was almost a relief when I was finally diagnosed as at last I could do some research and learn how to self-manage appropriately, as well as get on suitable meds.  Meds have been constantly altered over the years but at this time I've been relatively stable for a full year.  Knowing I need to stay on meds the rest of my life.  I was also recently accepted to the NDIS for funding for support workers etc so if that journey can help anyone it's detailed at :    https://saneforums.org/t5/Our-experience-stories/Anyone-started-with-the-NDIS/m-p/157210

If there's any way I can help or just be there for anyone here tag me and we can chat.  

[eth]

Shout out to you too @greenpea  Lots of love coming your way.

@Dadcaringalone very sorry to hear you are having to protect yourself from your son.  I know first hand how awful that can be.  

@MorningSilence  you might want to have a google about bipolar with rapid cycling.  It's a thing.  It does sound like maybe this could be happening for you at this time.

I hear you all about the anger issues.  I used to have fits of rage quite often from my teens through to my 40s.  Destroyed many important relationships and left everything and everyone behind many times.  Thankfully it doesn't happen anymore.  I was tested on it extremely recently by something my mother said.  Crazy that can still happen at my age.  But I was able to control it, express it alone in a safe way, and establish some clear boundaries around my relationship with her.  Including no contact for a while.  

I wish I could offer you some 'middle path' suggestions @Dadcaringalone.  I reached a point when I had to call the police on my child and I still see it was the only recourse I had at that time.  If you are somewhere where there are other hospitals he can be taken to I would suggest that you tell the police to take him to a different one.  Even with mental health troubles we have the right to a 2nd opinion.  Feeling for you and totally understand you being at your wit's end with your situation.   Hoping upon hope that your son's insight into what he is experiencing and doing steadily improves with the support of good meds and pDocs.  Edit :  I saw your other post to me on another thread just now and need to say that a rash coming out when on that type of med can be a very serious issue and needs to be seen by a Dr quite urgently.   I think your post might have been deleted by mods because it mentioned a specific med. 

[Dadcaringalone]

@eth @MorningSilence

Thanks for your kind message eth, it’s greatly appreciated. After my son’s 2nd car accident in 2 months and his and he current medicos insistence that he’s in remission and therefore the problems with me I need to completely bail out because I’m physically and emotionally burnt out. I’m going to Bali for my 50th and hopefully when I return early Nov I’ve recovered from this Carers Burnout (not sure whether that’s a mh illness) but I feel like I’ve been a zombie recently in my zombie like trance doing absolutely everything at home to support my son. Trying to get the sane team to put my profile on hold for 2 weeks so I don’t get all these annoying emails ever minute. Not sure what you did when you were away? Take care and speak again when I have taken some Balinese tonic to bring this caring zombie back to the land of the living xxx 

[eth]

Hi @Dadcaringalone  you can go into your settings and change what you get notified of and how often.  Usually when I go away I set mine to a weekly digest but you can also turn off all notifications.

Hoping Bali replenishes you.  I remembering reaching a point with my now adult child when they were 17 that I took myself to Papua New Guinea for a fortnight.  You just have to do it sometimes.  And it might be a wake up call to others around you and also to your son.  Hoping for the best outcomes for you.  And yes, there is a thing called Compassion Fatigue that carers can get.  Wondering if you also post on the SANE Carers forum.  I'm sure there's people on there who would have really good advice for you.  Take care